Humanist Weddings in Scotland

Happiness

2012-01-18T15:06:00.004Z

Is what we all seek in our different ways.

BBC Radio Scotland gave me a call the other day asking for my thoughts, so I joined the former Bishop of Edinburgh, Richard Holloway. to discuss how we can live more balanced lives on the Sunday Morning programme that goes out at an hour you're still deeply asleep.

The other guests were Professor John Haldane of St Andrew's University and Sally Foster-Fulton, the Vice Chair of the Church and Society Council at the Church of Scotland.

If you want to hear the discussion, please click here, and Skip forward to 1' 43"

Lights, Camera, Action!

2012-01-06T18:23:00.000Z

I've often been told I have the perfect face for radio, but every now and then, my ugly mug pops up in a wedding video, and this one, from Nik and Becky's wedding last summer, is one of the best I've seen (and not just because I make a fleeting cameo appearance!)

It was shot and edited by Steve, Stuart & Yvonne of Cherry Tree Films, who describe themselves as "a small team of filmmakers who absolutely love to tell unique wedding stories", which is probably why they've won the 'Videographer' category at the Vows Awards for the last two years in a row.

You can read their take on the day on their own blog here, and find out more about them here

OK, I think we can cut now.

John & Jo's Humanist Wedding at Leith Town Hall

2012-01-05T20:12:00.001Z

Sometimes pictures really do say more than words...

John & Jo's wedding simply radiated love, and happiness

They had so many friends, the hall was absolutely packed

And for once in my life, I had to use a microphone to be heard

It was a really home-made, thoughtful wedding.

The guests made and brought all the food and drink

which created a charmingly old-fashioned 'village hall' atmosphere

John said,
"I feel truly blessed that Jo has agreed to marry me.
She is beautiful in every way and has a smile that brings light into any room.
It lights up my heart".

Jo said,
"John opens my eyes to me.
He shows me a golden, sparkly eyed, love-laden vision of life, our future, and myself".

John's daughter Ailsa gave us a wonderful reading of 'The Owl and The Pussycat'

Dear pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling
Your ring? Said the piggy, 'I will'.

So they took it away, and were married next day

By the turkey who lives on the hill...

And of course their mums were their witnesses: there's nobody to whom it means more, is there?
My thanks to Ditte Solgaard of First Light Weddings, who took these wonderful shots.

Heather & Mike's Humanist Wedding in The Playfair Library

2012-01-04T17:13:00.000Z

I got some lovely cards this Christmas, but my favourite came from Heather and Mike.

Unlike normal people, they didn't send me Jpegs, but instead posted proper photographic prints, with captions hand-written on the back. This one said, "This pretty much sums up the feedback we got on our ceremony! The best endorsement was to hear how enthusiastically it was talked about by a) my Catholic aunt, and b) Mike's teenage and perpetually unimpressed cousin".

Somehow I feel that has a lot to do with the way Heather and Mike think and write. I liked the way I found myself saying, "When I asked Mike andHeather what they wanted from their ceremony, the first word that sprang toboth their minds was “brevity”. Admittedly Mike didn’t actually know themeaning of the word “brevity” at the time, so he was somewhat surprised when itsprang to his mind..."

As Heather wrote, "The best piece of wedding advice I came across was to take the ceremony a bit more seriously, and the reception a bit less so, and a humanist ceremony allowed us to do exactly that, putting so much more thought into the proceedings than we might otherwise have done.

We approached wedding planning thinking of the ceremony as 'the boring bit', to be got out of the way as hastily as possible, but it ended up being the most enjoyable and memorable part of the day for us. (Well for me - Mike's hedging between that and the cake, but it was exceptionally good cake...)

Thank you again, for enabling us to have a wedding that reflected us, rather than ever feeling like a "one-size-fits-all" or tick-box exercise, and for surprising our guests (and us!) with the realisation that it's actually possible for a ceremony to be actively enjoyable."

We also appreciated the way you mingled with our guests afterwards - and I can only apologise for whichever of my brothers accosted you about Christopher Hitchens!"

Not at all, Heather. A spirited discussion over a glass of champagne is a great way to end an afternoon, and I enjoyed every minute of it! And you can be sure that your ceremony will go on to inspire other couples who don't want a "run of the mill, your-name-goes-here, hurry up and get it over with" beginning to their day.

Thanks for asking me to be your celebrant. It was a pleasure!

Keren & Woody's Humanist Wedding at Pollockshields Burgh Hall

2011-12-13T13:50:00.000Z

There was a lot to love about this wedding, not least the way it started, when Woody came in with his mum and dad on each arm. In a traditional ceremony, the groom's parents are just two more guests; this is a subtle way of saying, "I've got a family too, and they're important to me".

Keren did the same thing, moments later, and then they did two more unconventional things.

Keren stood on my left, traditonally the groom's side, with her bridesmaid Marie Claire, while Woody stood on my right, with his best woman, Jen.

Because the couple are standing at a slight angle, looking over their shoulders at one another, I tend to suggest that their parents sit, not on the same side as their child, but diagonally opposite, because that's where they get the best view, so that's why Woody's parents were in the front row on my left, while Keren's were across the aisle.

As I reminded their guests when I told their story, Woody and Keren met at university in Edinburgh where they were both members of the university’s Gilbert and Sullivan Opera Society. I knew this of course from the homework they'd sent me, and I remember being touched by the note Woody sent with his.

I really enjoyed doing this "homework". I loved analysing our relationship, why we are together, and then sharing my thoughts with Keren in a way that I hadn't done before. We kicked Keren's parents out of the house for a whole weekend, and had an entirely relaxing time together, which in itself we rarely get to do any more. On the Saturday evening we cooked a favourite meal, and talked about anything and everything. When we had finished the meal we pulled out our homework and shared, one part each until we had read all three. There was laughter, embarrassment, and lots of tears.

It was great hearing exactly how Keren was feeling about the wedding, and had felt at important junctures in our time together. I loved listening to her recall stories that I had forgotten, and I loved seeing her reaction to my stories that she had forgotten.

In keeping with their thoughtful approach, they both wrote their own vows which they spoke directly to one another. They also invited their mums to be witnesses to the signing of the Marriage Schedule - apparently, they were both thrilled to be asked.

Naturally music is an important part of their lives, so it was lovely to hear eight of their friends singing a piece called "This Marriage", by Eric Whiteacre.

And I was delighted a few weeks later when they sent me a CD with these photos, and a card that said, "You did so much to make our guests feel relaxed, welcomed and included and to make sure that everything during our ceremony went smoothly.

The ceremony was the best part of the day. While you spoke, we were reminded of the feelings we had when we first met you and that had got a little lost in the planning and preparations. The sense of just how important and meaningful the moment was came rushing back.

The help and guidance that you offered us gave us the opportunity to reflect on our relationship and we're convinced that this made our wedding the meaningful and inclusive day that it was. I hope you can see from the photographs how much everyone enjoyed it!

I certainly can, Keren & Woody! Thanks again, and thanks also to Caroline Weiss, who's the photographer behind CandySnaps Wedding Photography

Steven & Gillian's Humanist Wedding at Gean House

2011-11-15T16:30:00.001Z

Gillian and Steven met when they were in their early twenties, and in her homework Gillian told me how she remembered their first date. She chose the venue (a cinema) and the film, Blade 2, a Wesley Snipes Vampire Horror romp because she was trying to be cool and impress Steven, who looked very cool in a lovely soft cream jumper that she only discovered much later he'd borrowed from a friend for the evening!

Nine years, two houses and one baby boy later, they finally tied the knot at the beautiful Gean House at Tullibody, an early 20th Century Arts & Crafts mansion house in the style of Lutyens, complete with a grand hall, a minstrels gallery and Japanese gardens.

Keen students of tradition will note something 'wrong' with this picture. Gillian is standing on my right, where the groom usually goes. But in a humanist ceremony, there's no right or wrong about where the couple choose to stand. For me, what's more important is to remember where the close family members should go. No - not on the same side as their loved one, but the opposite one, because that's where they get the best view.

Gillian's friend Nicola gave us a passage from Captain Corelli's Mandolin that she chose specially for them and which she kept secret until the day, which was lovely but perhaps the quirkiest surprise of the day was the music.

No - not the piper, although they did have one, but a massed band of Ukeleles! Gillian’s Aunty Kate and other members of Smut (AKA The Scottish Multicoloured Ukulele Troupe) turned out in force to play a song for Steven which was kept a secret until the day itself.

Steven and Gillian wrote their own vows, and exchanged rings which were brought to us by their little boy Aaron, before signing the marriage schedule to the sound of "Songbird" by Oasis and "The Bucket" by The Kings of Leon, which worked surprisingly well on massed ukeleles as you can hear from this clip on YouTube

As Gillian wrote when they got back from their Venetian honeymoon, "We had so many compliments on how much guests enjoyed the ceremony and how they liked you. The ukuele troupe were a big hit too and we feel lucky we had the freedom to have personal details like the ukes because the ceremony was Humanist."

It must have been good - a few months later, Steven's dad Dougie got in touch, and now I'm looking forward to conducting his marriage to Muriel next year at the Wallace Monument!

Thanks Gillian, Steven, Aaron, Michael Macari of Polarberry Photography, and everyone else whose contributions made the day such a great success.

They've Got The H Factor!

2011-11-15T15:25:00.001Z

I was very pleased with the first phase of the results from The H Factor campaign we ran in September, when we went all over Scotland to find out what humanists believe on a wide range of important moral issues, including same-sex marriage, physician-assisted suicide and sectarianism. The films feature contributions from more than 50 individuals, ranging from 10 year old Mellin Buchanan from Thurso to 81 year old Margaret Ferguson from Inverness. You can see them all on the H Factor web site or on Vimeo where they can also be downloaded and shared on social media sites like Facebook and Twitter.

These short films were made as part of the process of casting the first ever Humanist TV commercial, which will shoot in Spring 2012.

Although the word 'Humanist' is starting to pop up more often across the media, I find that very few people actually know what humanists believe. The H Factor films will allow the public to see for themselves and I hope that a fair few of them will realise they've actually been 'Secret Humanists' all their lives.

PS - The HSS is now giving you a chance to win £1,000 by creating a new slogan for the society. Find out more at the H Factor web site

Jo & Tosh's Humanist Wedding at Broxmouth Park

2011-11-15T10:58:00.001Z

I got a lovely email from deepest Rajasthan the other day. That's where Jo and Tosh were on honeymoon, but thanks to the wonders of t'internet, they were still able to send me some shots from their wedding earlier this year at Broxmouth Park, and seeing them and reading the ceremony again just reminded me of all the little ways in which a humanist wedding can be made uniquely personal.

What name do you want to be called in the ceremony? It's a question I always ask right at the start, and as you might expect if you've been reading this blog for a while, there's no right answer. Some people like to be formal, others don't, so Jo decided to carry on being Jo, rather than Joanne, while Tosh reverted to his given name, Richard, for thirty minutes or so rather than use the nickname by which he's best known.

Another question I always ask is, how do you want the ceremony to begin? Tosh chose to walk up the aisle with his Nan, while Jo's brother Paul walked in with their Granny at the same time, which was a thoughtful touch, and much appreciated by the ladies present.

How many bridesmaids can you have? As many as you like, but it looks better when the groom isn't left up there like Johnny No-Mates, so while Jo had three gorgeous girls on her right, Tosh was joined not just by his best man, but three ushers as well.

One of the joys of the homework process is that it allows the couple to say in their own words why they want to marry, and I remember that when I read Tosh's, I was really struck by the words he used, and I was very pleased when he decided to incorporate them into the ceremony.

“It took me quite a long time to get here. Don’t think I really saw the point. I get it now. My friends know I love you, my family knows I love you, your family knows I love you, so that’s not it. I’m no fan of rules or tradition for the sake of it so it’s not that. We have arrived at a point in our relationship where it feels right, not because it is deemed appropriate by others, but because I am so in love with you that I want to make this public declaration and spend the rest of my life with you.”

Poetry and readings are always a part of a wedding; what made this particularly nice was that Dan, one of Tosh's closest friends from University, read one he'd written himself.

Music is crucial, and it was lovely to hear some of Jo's friends from her days in the Glasgow Youth Choir singing 'Sound The Pibroch'.

But best of all, as far as I was concerned anyway, was that they had the courage to stand in front of their family and friends and not only speak their vows directly to one another, but say why they love one another and what their hopes are for the future. I laughed out loud when they sent me the final draft of the script and I saw this.

"~~Because they don’t trust themselves not to start crying, they hope you don’t mind that I’m now going to read these out on their behalf.~~

Every wedding is unique, and uniquely moving, but I'll remember this one for a long time.

It's always what I hope, but I was very pleased when Jo and Tosh said, "You were such an integral part of our wedding day and the ceremony remains the favourite part of our day. Your warmth, inclusiveness and humour all helped to make it a truly memorable experience and we've lost count of the number of family and friends who have commented on how much they enjoyed it; most saying that it was their first humanist wedding, but admitting it was the best they've ever been to. High praise indeed!"

Thanks Tosh and Jo! Please do let me know who took these excellent pics?

Nik & Becky's humanist wedding at Pollokshields Burgh Hall

2011-10-20T11:50:00.000+01:00

About 4 years, ago, I married Bryan and Jen Ross at Dundas castle, where among the guests were Becky and Nikhil who loved the ceremony so much they decided to ask me to marry them earlier this summer.

As they told me when we first met ten months beforehand, they were planning to have a slightly unusual wedding, with an Indian and Scottish mix, and I can still remember the wonderful smell that greeted me when I arrived at the venue, where the wedding breakfast was being prepared. I don't think I've ever felt so hungry and on reflection, I should probably have asked for a cairry oot!

When they got back from their diving honeymoon, Becky sent me this lovely note.

We just wanted to say thank you SO much for being our celebrant, you really helped us make our day the success it was.

We've had amazing comments and lovely cards from our family and friends saying how much fun they had during the ceremony, how personal it was and the most fun wedding they've ever been to!

A lot of that is down to your guidance in making our day about us and doing it our way!

The whole day felt so special but especially the ceremony we wrote with your help. We are loving married life and will never forget the beginning of it all! :)

Here are a few pictures of the fun we had, hope you like them! I did - and if you like them too, you can contact their Manchester based photographer, Matt Wagster, here

If it wasn't for your suggestion to have our ceremony facing our guests, I wouldn't have my most favourite picture of Nik's face as he saw me enter the hall!

I will always remember walking up the aisle being able to see his face all the way and shaking with excitement!

It's a very special moment - and I'm glad Becky's Uncle Alan caught it on his camera. Becky herself talks about how it made her feel on Any Other Wedding.

I was also most impressed by the short clip Becky and Nik sent me from their wedding video. It was made by Cherry Tree Films, who are based in Edinburgh, and as a former producer and director myself, I thought they did a particularly excellent job!

Ian & Gill's Humanist Wedding at Kaim Park Hotel

2011-10-16T11:15:00.001+01:00

When Ian and Gill finally got back to the “real world” after their wonderful honeymoon in St Lucia they sent me this message to say thanks...

We had the most amazing day, our ceremony was just as we had wanted it to be, personal to us, very moving and also at times very entertaining! Never before have I been to a wedding and experienced so many tears - tears of both laughter,joy and emotion!

As you know from when we first met, we had both stressed how important it was for us to be able to include James and Hannah into our ceremony in some way. Our humanist ceremony enabled us to do just that and we will treasure the memories of it always.

We must admit to initially being a wee bit sceptical and apprehensive when we were set our “homework” – it had been far too many years than each of us cared to remember since we had last been assigned homework!

As it turned out, it was an extremely emotional, rewarding and enjoyable thing to do. Thinking back to over 8 years earlier, when we’d first met, how we’d felt, and how we then came together as a family was such a rewarding thing to do.

I can honestly say that the ceremony, for us, was the most special and enjoyable part of our day... We had so many people speak to us later saying it had been the nicest, most enjoyable wedding ceremony they had ever been to.

We thank you Tim for helping us to step back and realise what the day was really all about... This came through tenfold in our ceremony and we thank for helping us to achieve that.

What can I add to that, Gill and Ian, other than my thanks for asking me to be your celebrant in the first place, and for creating such a moving and inspiring ceremony!

As you'll have noticed, all the photos are from Lush Photography, where Robert Wilson has done his own blog on the day and posted a whole bunch more great pics

Juls & John's Humanist Wedding at Ravensheugh Beach

2011-10-14T18:30:00.001+01:00

The wild and wonderful Ravensheugh Beach is becoming very popular for weddings, not least because you can camp there, have a bonfire and invite all your friends to pitch in. This particular sticky out bit of coastline just south of North Berwick has a unique micro-climate that makes it one of the sunniest spots in the British Isles but even when the haar is rolling in off the Firth of Forth, it has an atmosphere all of its own.

If I'd been wearing one, I'd have taken my hats off to Juls & John, because they went to great lengths to create an incredibly memorable day.

I particularly liked the way they told their guests why they'd been invited.

"Juls and John want to saysomething very important today and they want to say it in front of you! Youmight think that you are here because of them but in truth they are herebecause of you. They want and need you to share this with them.

You are not here as an audience, your presence here is an intimate part of this ceremony. You are not here merely to listen to recited words; you are to listen to the taking of solemn vows and in years to come, in good times or bad, they will look to you to remember this day and remind them of it and support them to strive for the shared future that it promises.

You are not here to watch a show; you are here to witness their rite of passage and continue to be part of the story of their lives."

One of the first things they did was ask the best man, Keith "Liability" Aitken, to pass their wedding rings around the gathered throng, so they could all hold them for a moment, and make a silent wish.

And one of the last things they did, was jump over a broomstick with their little boy, Harris who thoroughly stole the show.

As Juls and John wrote, when they got back "from the Moon of Honey... Thanks so much for doing our wedding for us and putting up with our procrastination and last minute tendancies! It was an amazing ceremony, I felt quite giddy throughout and I thought you delivered it brilliantly with aplomb and humour aplenty. And plenty of our friends and family though the same. Thank you for that! Hope all is well and maybe see you around!"

I hope so! Who did these wonderful pics?

Have You Got The H Factor?

2011-09-12T16:08:00.000+01:00

I'm really pleased to be able to announce the launch of The H Factor, the first ever awareness campaign from The Humanist Society of Scotland.

As a celebrant, whenever I meet people to discuss a ceremony and ask them why they've chosen a Humanist one, they always begin by saying. "Well, we're not religious but..." Then they go on to say how they stumbled across the HSS web site, looked at what Humanists believe and thought, "Oh - We had no idea that we've been Secret Humanists for years!"

All the research suggests that the majority of people in the UK are secular. Actually we suspect that most of them are Secret Humanists. But they don't know that because - wait for it - they've never heard of Humanism.

We think it's time they did. And that's what the H Factor campaign is about.

From September 25th, a film crew will tour Scotland for five days in a search to find the stars of the first ever Humanist TV commercial. Auditions will be held in Edinburgh, Dundee, Aberdeen, Inverness and Glasgow, where members of the public will be asked to answer questions on major moral issues. Anyone can sign up at The H Factor web site, and individuals who appear in the final advert will receive a £500 appearance fee.

So what are you waiting for? Check it out, sign up, and who knows? You could be a star of the future!

Adam & Julia's Humanist Wedding at The Caves in Edinburgh

2011-09-12T14:16:00.000+01:00

Julia and Adam got off to a very bad start. He was unbelievably rude to her and she told everyone she knew that he was“the most ignorant person she had ever met in her life!”

But despite a series of awkward dates, uncomfortable silences, embarrassing TV appearances and the luminous orange-green mould in Adam's bread bin, they bonded over a love of music and their lives have never been the same again since.

As you'll have guessed by now, their ceremony was funny, intimate, and deeply moving in that ironic combination that we Scots have made our own, and it went down a storm with a crowd who'd come from as far afield as Australia, Hong Kong,the South of England, and Wemyss Bay.

There were so many great moments. Adam’s brother, Elliot and Adam and Julia's little girlOlivia both gave a reading...

And if I don't see Olivia's name in lights in 20 years time I will be surprised...

Because she not only read a poem - she wrote it herself.

Dan, Angela, Barry and Laura led us all in a moving rendition of Stand By Me...

And just as I pronounced Adam and Julia to be husband and wife...

Boom! Went the SFX, and we were showered with glittering confetti.

I have to say that if you want to have a Rock 'n' Roll Wedding, there's nowhere better to do it than The Caves. With its theatrical lighting it's in a class of its own, even if it makes me look even more than usual like some kind of weird alien!

Julia and Adam wrote me this lovely letter.

I suppose we originally felt that the process of creating our ceremony seemed like a lot of hard work; a bit too soppy and not really our cup of tea! When it actually came down to writing our stories etc., however, we realised what a lovely idea it was.

We really enjoyed writing our stories - and listening to each others as well. Most couples aren't usually given the opportunity to write about how they met and fell in love, or why they really want to get married, but I am so glad that you gave us that opportunity.

These really are the things that people should be thinking about on the run up to their wedding - rather than worrying about final balances, menus and dresses!

In the end our homework made up the majority of our ceremony, which we never expected to happen! It just felt so personal that it would have been a shame not to include it. What we ended up with was a very personal, unique, (pretty soppy!) and special ceremony that we will never forget.

It was lovely to include our friends and family in this also. All of our guests commented on the ceremony, saying it was one of the nicest weddings they had ever been to! We owe this to you as we could never have done it on our own. Without your help I imagine our wedding would have been very different to how it was.

We are so glad we found you! Thank you again! Julia and Adam. No - thank you, Adam and Julia, and thanks also to photographer John Need for his great pics.

Ged & Bertha's Humanist Wedding at Newbattle Abbey

2011-09-12T13:17:00.000+01:00

Ged and Bertha first came to see me in May of this year to talk about having an intimate wedding in August, surrounded only by close family - and their three dogs, Conal, Brynn and Mr Benji. Bertha made me promise not to reveal the brand name of her waterproof mascara, but she wasn't the only one moved to tears during their deeply personal ceremony. This is her typically thoughtful account.

Ged and I have talked a lot about the whole process before the wedding. As we decided to write the ceremony with your essential guidance and 'homework', we found that it made us think more about each other and our relationship, and why we wanted to get married. You could say it brought us even closer together as we had to sit down and discuss things. There were lots of laughs along the way, a lot of teasing and the inevitable tears as well.

When I asked Ged why did we get so emotional, we had to think about it. I suppose because we wrote the ceremony and choose what to say, it was much more personal. Even though we had read over the ceremony several times - and numerous poems to decide which ones were right - on the day I suppose it really hit us and we were declaring it to others and each other.

Ged says he loved the informality of it, the fun, having the dogs with us (very important parts of our lives!), the intimacy and we had people we really wanted at the ceremony (not like my first wedding!). We are both quite private people and that is probably why we didn't tell many people that we were getting married - and it's maybe something to do with our age as well! We both thoroughly enjoyed the ceremony and it was just right for us. we wouldn't change anything.

One thing we didn't expect is that now that we are married, we do feel different. That has quite surprised us. Even though the practicalities of our lives have not changed, we both feel more content, happy, with a sense of belonging I suppose. It's hard to pinpoint.

Sadly I didn't get to see the wedding cake, but I hope at some point to get a picture of it. Ged's sister Margaret made and iced it, but got somebody else to decorate it with a lovely sprig of flowers, and (of course) three poodles made of icing and in just the right colours too! Bertha said it was all Margaret's idea and it was absolutely wonderful.

Special thanks must go to Bertha's nieces, Rowena and Lauren who not only accompanied her as she sang, "May I Have This Dance?", but gave us a duet of "Love Story" by Taylor Swift as we signed the Marriage Schedule. Oh and thanks to their dad, Bertha's brother Ronald for these great pics.

Laura & Chris's Secret Humanist Wedding at Eskmills

2011-08-26T12:44:00.004+01:00

Chris and Laura have been together for 11 years and they already have two children, Sean and Katie, but for one reason or another they'd never got married. More than that, they'd never even been engaged, so they decided to play a little trick on all of their friends and have an 'engagement party' one Saturday night in August.

I turned up early as always, and was led through a side door to the back of the building where I could see a party was in full swing. But there was a big screen of material hiding one area of the hall from the guests, and it was in there that Laura and Chris were going to get married.

They sneaked out of their party so they could get dressed, and then with Katie and Sean, bridesmaid Cara and their best man and maid of honour Paul and Stacey, they all came downstairs and very, very, quietly, took their places and waited for the DJ in the next room to ask everyone to move through.

The result was a good five minutes of pandemonium! In most marriages, everyone waits till the end to kiss the bride and slap the groom on the back, but it was the other way round this time, and it was lovely seeing the surprise and joy on everybody's face. Eventually they all sat down and we had a short and very moving ceremony, where Laura promised always to try to remain the girl Chris fell in love with when they first met 21 years before, and Chris promised that he would always continue to sing the wrong words to songs.

Laura sent me this short note along with these pictures. "We just wanted to thank you for conducting our ceremony. The ceremony was lovely and delivered beautifully by you. We had such an amazing evening. It was great to see all the surprised faces wasn't it?!"

It was, Laura - unforgettable! x

Michelle & Derek's Humanist Renewal of Vows Ceremony on the beach at North Berwick

2011-08-26T09:47:00.002+01:00

Once upon a time, a bloke went into Bannerman's Bar in the Cowgate, and stared into a pair of big brown eyes. Later that evening, the owner of the eyes had to help him open his packet of chewing gum, because he was a little too refreshed. And that was the start of a relationship that led Derek and Michelle to get married on a beach in Barbados in 2001. As they said, "Our relationship has gone backwards. We sort of stumbled into marriage, and we've got stronger and stronger, and closer and closer."

Ten years on, they decided it was time to renew their vows to one another. They still wanted to do it on a beach, but this time it would be closer to home, and all their friends and family would be there.

They took their time, and after giving a great deal of thought to what they wanted to say, they decided to invite lots of their friends to be involved. So Sharon told us her version of how they met. John remembered when he first met Michelle and thought "She's far to young to be his carer!". And Michelle's sister Shaeren and her brother in law Ian both gave us readings before Derek and Michelle exchanged and renewed their vows.

It was a very happy and relaxed evening that was topped off by a specially written blessing from Egg. A Renewal of Vows ceremony has a different atmosphere from a wedding. It's much less tense, I suppose because everyone knows one another already and they're confident in the love that's being shared. But some things are always the same. Flower girls would much rather go and explore the beach than listen to elderly bald men droning on...

And a glass of champagne always goes down a treat!

Michelle sent me these pics the very next day, along with a lovely note.

"We just wanted to thank you - we had a fantastic day! The ceremony was amazing, and everyone commented on how special it was. I think you may have found yourself a few fans and I'm sure we will see you at future weddings and other celebrations! Thanks for ordering the sunshine!!"

The party went on well into the evening, as you can tell from this shot of the sun setting over the island of Fidra. Thanks Derek and Michelle - it was a real pleasure!

Gillian & Gavin's Humanist Wedding at Glenbervie House

2011-08-06T18:09:00.000+01:00

"Rain sometimes,

Money down the drain sometimes..."

Until today, I'd thought this popular wedding reading was a poem - but I've only just discovered that it's actually a song, written by Arthur Hamilton, and a standard for schmaltzy crooners like the late Matt Monro.

Why do I mention the rain? Well looking back over the summer, it has been something of a theme, one captured perfectly in this great set of shots by Trevor Wilson.

Gavin and Gillian's wedding at Glenbervie House must rank as one of the wettest weddings of the year, but as Gillian wrote to me afterwards, "We both had an absolutely fantastic day and it proves you dont need good weather to make it... although the sun did eventually show face!"

Gillian and Gavin's paths first crossed at school, but it wasn't until she helped him with his maths homework at University that their relationship really got going. As they said in their ceremony, "the reason our love for one another is so strong is that we're best friends", and it's easy to see how comfortable they are together.

Gillian wrote, "I'm so glad we decided on a humanist ceremony as it was great coming out afterwards and hearing everyone say how wonderful it was. They said you were particularly funny at the start!"

"I think the ceremony captured everything that we are and it made our guests feel involved in the day. It was funny, emotional and relaxed all in one ceremony.

"It really set the mood for the rest of the day as I relaxed myself and had a better day than I ever imagined I would.....so also a thank you to you for helping us create that!"

A pleasure as ever, Gillian. Thanks for the kind words and of course a big thanks as ever to Trevor Wilson for the wonderfully atmospheric shots.

The Politeness of Kings...

2011-08-04T16:04:00.007+01:00

When you're planning your wedding, one of the most important things of all is the time the ceremony starts.

And almost everyone who asks me to conduct their wedding is really clear from the outset that their ceremony absolutely has to start at X o' clock, because they've got a tight timetable, and everything else that happens during the rest of the day and evening depends on the ceremony running like clockwork.

I entirely understand. And you may remember that when Miss Kate Middleton married young Master Windsor the other month, she turned up at the doors of Westminster Abbey at precisely 11.00 a.m.

But it seems that the Countess of Strathearn (as she is now known to us in Scotland) is the exception that proves the rule.

Yes, we all know that it's the bride's prerogative to be late, and I agree with Debrett's (the ultimate guide to etiquette), that a fashionable five minutes is perfectly acceptable. But some brides are really pushing it, and turning up, ten, fifteen, and even twenty minutes late. And then spending a further ten minutes having an impromptu photo shoot outside the venue before making their grand entrance.

It's easy for the bride to get carried away with all the excitement of her big day, so I try to be understanding. But I can also sympathise with the Brazilians, whose Zero Tolerance policy costs latecomers $300!

But here's the thing. If you're half an hour late, the musicians may have run out of music, (and that drives them mad, as you can see from this message board!).

More importantly, by the time you arrive, your elderly relatives have been sitting waiting for you for at least 45 minutes. That can mean they've got more pressing concerns on their minds during the ceremony than listening to your well-chosen words. They need to go to the bathroom...

Of course, sometimes brides are late through no fault of their own.

Not only did Nicola's wedding car break down, but so did the one that was sent as a replacement, so eventually she had to grab a cab!

It's not always the bride who's late.

The longest I've ever had to wait for a wedding to begin was an hour and a half - and that was because we were all waiting for the groom!

But please - for all our sakes - when the time comes and it's your turn, do try to be on time. As Louis XVIII said, Punctuality is the Politeness of Kings...

Amy & JP's Humanist Wedding on the beach at Orocco Pier

2011-08-04T14:49:00.004+01:00

I knew when I met JP and Amy that they were going to be more fun than a barrel full of very naughty monkeys.

And I was right! Their invitation had a circus theme and it was subtitled Amy and Jaypee's Rootin'-Tootin' Weddin', so nobody could have been in any doubt that they were in for an extremely special day...

Although they didn't wear the false moustaches during the wedding itself.

Amy's bridesmaids and flower girls brought a welcome hint of the South Pacific to South Queensferry...

One of the things I liked most about JP & Amy's approach was that they decided to keep their vows a secret from one another, which always raises the pulse rate a bit. They sent the vows to me individually of course, so I knew that they were both going to be very happy with what they heard, especially as they both made reference in their own way to the impending Zombie Apocalypse...

Which may explain the wedding cake that they made themselves! One of the poems they chose was 'A Lovely Love Story,' by Edward Monkton, which is becoming a favourite of mine. What they didn't tell me until the day before was who was going to read it.

It turned out to be Amy's Uncle Scott. I thought he had a great voice, and read it particularly well. It wasn't until about halfway through that I recognised it as belonging to Radio Legend Scotty Wilson!

The next bit of fun was the singing. Amy and JP chose to have Your Song by Elton John, which was lovely, and 'Good Day Sunshine' by the Beatles, which of course was more than a little ironic, with a cold wind whipping along the Firth of Forth, and the temperature hovering just above freezing!

Once they'd thawed out, Amy & JP sent me this lovely note along with all their great photos.

We just wanted to say a huge thank you for everything! Your ceremony was excellent and you really made the day special and memorable... Our family and friends loved you... You managed to make them laugh and relax even though it was freezing!! Everyone said how 'us' the ceremony was... We'd like to thank you for helping us write it and the vows, we dont think it could have been any more beautiful!

It was perfect, thank you very much.
JP and Amy Ranaldi x

Sam & Em's Humanist Wedding on Inchcolm Island

2011-08-04T14:09:00.001+01:00

It's been a wild summer, and the weather's played a part in making some memorable weddings. Sam and Emma sent me this account of their big day...

Our wedding seems so long ago now, but we're still getting lots of notes, cards and lovely comments from everyone. We had a truly wonderful day; even with all the chaos such as no music, force 9 winds and that rollercoaster of a boat ride home, it was absolutely perfect.

As I said to you on the boat home, the preparations were hard work - you know how difficult we found it to get the homework done, and how it took a while for the ceremony to really start coming together - but you were right, it was worth every last second. We were pleased with the ceremony on paper, but that was nothing compared to how it felt being stood up there listening to it actually happening. Every bit of it was so personal, so totally unique and so 'us' - and you managed to deliver it better than I had ever imagined. Even though I knew what was coming next (even without reading over my shoulder!) I was totally captivated by it. Thank you.

We've had people tell us it was a beautiful ceremony, people tell us it was fun, people tell us it was hilarious - I'm not sure that the last one was exactly what we were going for, but to me the most important one was how memorable it was.

I have a feeling that stories about Sam fluffing his lines, and people nearly being blown into the Forth are going to be coming out in family lore for a long time to come. Its certainly something I will always remember, or at least hope that I will never forget. We had a great day, and one that really meant something to us, and I'm really grateful for all the guidance you gave which has allowed us to have that start in our lives together.

We've just received our images from Simon Grosset, which have brought back even more memories. Simon has also posted about the day on his blog, here.

I'm also sending you one last thing - my Mum was supposed to make a speech on the boat back, but the conditions meant that she a) didn't feel it was wise to drag everyone into the main cabin to listen to her and b) couldn't have stood up to deliver it anyway. She had a few words that she wanted to say to you as part of it, so she's asked me if I'll forward them on to you...

And here they are... When Emma and Sam chose a humanist wedding it was a very conscious decision to have a very personal ceremony celebrating all that is special about each other and their journey together so far and their hopes and dreams for the future. I know that they specifically wanted to work with Tim as his views and explanation of the humanist approach struck a chord with them.

I’m not entirely sure that they appreciated just how much thought, deliberation and homework this would involve but at times I’m sure that their honours projects and dissertations seemed like a breeze in comparison!

Tim – thank you for being so flexible and for such a beautiful ceremony, thank you for taking the time to help Emma and Sam plan today and for showing them how to take a step back and appreciate the little and the big things in life that they each bring to their relationship.

My heartfelt thanks to Emma & Sam and of course her mum Elaine, and to Simon Grosset for these really atmospheric shots!

Jo & Rob's Humanist Wedding on Buachaille Etive Mhor

2011-06-18T13:14:00.004+01:00

When I first wrote my profile on the HSS web site, one of my hopes was that one day someone would ask me to conduct their wedding on top of a mountain.

Many years went by but then in March of this year, I got a call from Rob and Jo who not only wanted to take me at my word, but wanted to climb one of Scotland's most iconic peaks, Buachaille Etive Mhor, the big shepherd of Etive, which stands guard at the mouth of Glencoe.

When I parked up at the side of the A90, I was surprised to meet Jo and her bridesmaid Emily just beginning their 90 minute walk to the foot of the hill from where they'd begin their ascent of Curved Ridge which is a grade 3 scramble on the East face. Rob, his best man, Carl and intrepid photographer friend George Burgess had gone ahead about an hour earlier. I thought I'd better move fast.

So while they made their dizzying ascent the hard way, I followed the rocky path, crossing streams, scrambling over boulders and scree and passing several groups of other walkers en route: I didn't want to be late!

As it happened, I needn't have worried. I made it to the 3,353 ft summit with half an hour to spare before Rob and Carl appeared over the lip of the hill.

George stayed below to get some great shots of the girls, but eventually they all made it to the top - with seven minutes to go before the official start time of the ceremony, which has to be a first!

Thanks to George's great pics, the story was widely reported, and you can read all about Jo and Rob's very personal vows and rope hand fasting in Scotland on Sunday or here in The Daily Mail.

It was as every bit as romantic as you might imagine and of course we had every kind of mountain weather - rain, snow, wind and bright sunshine.

At times I could see all the way to another of my favourite hills, Schiehallion, far across the moor of Rannoch. In the other direction, we could see the bridge at Ballachulish, and of course just across the way, tiny figures were winding their slow way up the Devil's Staircase on the West Highland Way.

Sadly I had to get back to Edinburgh that evening for a wedding rehearsal, so I couldn't join the wedding party for their nuptial lunch of haggis at the Clachaig Inn, but I was pleased to get these shots from Jo who said, "I'd love to give you some thoughts but I haven't really had time to collect them yet. It was a brilliant day and we are loving married life. The press interest has been a bit of a surprise though!"

So perhaps more to add here later, but as always, my thanks to Rob and Jo for a wonderful day and to George Burgess for the stunning shots!

Jeni & Rune's Humanist Wedding on the Bonnie, Bonnie Banks of Loch Lomond

2011-06-07T18:10:00.004+01:00

Jeni and Rune are quite unusual names, so you won't be surprised to learn that their wedding was pretty unusual too. Brought together by a love of music, Jeni had studied Scandinavia as part of her degree, so when she met Rune, who's from that part of the world, she was quick to tell him that Sweden was her favourite country. That was when Rune told her he was Norwegian... The funny and touching story of their courtship was one of the highlights of their ceremony, but the real star of the day was the weather.

Outdoor weddings in Scotland are always a gamble, and this year that seems particularly true. Rune and Jeni had taken over The Waterfront at Balmaha, on the quieter Eastern shore of Loch Lomond, and when I turned up, the sun was shining, and wedding guests were still enjoying a few beers in the hot tubs. But that wasn't to last. When I walked down to the lochside, dark clouds were massing overhead, and as their photographer (the ubiquitous and talented Stuart Craig) said, "This is shaping up to be an epic!" Never a truer word...

Just as the bride approached, the heavens opened, and Stuart got his first great shot of the day. Luckily, I was underneath the marquee, along with Rune and all the guests, but then, just as Jeni arrived 'on set' there was an almighty clap of thunder! It wasn't until after the ceremony that I learned that Rune's dad's name is Thor...

From then on, things could only get even better, and despite - or perhaps because of - the downpours, and the thunder and lightning, it was an absolutely magical day.

When they exchanged their rings, they both spoke a personalised version of a poem by the great Humanist philosopher and writer Bertrand Russell, called "Today, I Marry My Friend."

Rune is a professional musician, and while he and Jeni signed The Marriage Schedule, his best man and childhood friend Dagfinn joined singing star bridesmaid Ciaran in a song called "Laughter Instead" that Dagfinn had written specially for the day.

What with the need to keep the marriage schedule out of the rain, the song ended before the ink was dry on our signatures, so in response to popular demand, Ciaran and Dagfinn played it a second time, and of course we all joined in on the chorus. The bridesmaids made a stunning backing group!

By the time the ceremony was over, the weather had changed yet again - it's times like this you really appreciate how good a photographer has to be to produce a coherent picture of your wedding day, and Stuart did a great job.

Stuart has done his own blog about the ceremony, and I think he really captured the atmosphere , not just in his great shots but also in his writing. Check it out here!

I just got an email from the new Mrs Hansen. She said, "I just wanted to say a huge thank you for being our celebrant for our wedding, we loved the ceremony and are so happy that we chose you - all of the guests are still talking about how memorable it was, not just because of the thunder, but also because of you, so thank you! There were so many people who asked about you afterwards and said how fantastic you were, I'm so pleased we came across your blog and dragged you all the way to Loch Lomond!"

Thanks Jeni, tak, Rune, and I look forward to seeing you both again at the Balmoral Hotel next March for Charlie & Dave's wedding! Of course, big thanks also go to Stuart for allowing me to use his shots here too.

Claire & Andy's Humanist Wedding at Hopetoun House

2011-06-07T17:09:00.006+01:00

It was back in March 2010 that I first heard from Claire and Andy. One of the first things they told me was that they were from different religious backgrounds, but neither were churchgoers, so they felt that a Humanist ceremony would be the right thing for them. I was pleased that they'd raised the subject, because Humanism is all about the things that unite rather than divide us, and over the years, I've married lots of people who've chosen to look beyond the faith they were raised in and found that they recognised themselves in what Humanists believe.

They were planning to marry in the stables at Hopetoun House, the fabulous Adam mansion out by South Queensferry - it wasn't until later that I discovered that Claire is a keen horsewoman, so that may have been part of the reason they chose the venue.

We met in April, and in the year that elapsed between that and the wedding date, she and Andy moved house, did their homework, chose readings, wrote a poem that told their story so far, and created a very personal ceremony that involved both friends and family. They were so organised, they even managed to fit in a quick pre-wedding holiday after their stag and hen nights so they could relax, catch a bit of spring sunshine, and feel at their very best on the big day.

Their young nephew Jack was the ring bearer, and I remember he took his job very seriously!

When the bride walks down the aisle, it's always fun to watch how the bridegroom reacts: and I had no doubt how pleased Andy was to see Claire!

Claire and Andy spoke their vows directly to one another, which takes a lot of courage and is always very moving - not just for them, but for the guests too.

When we signed the Marriage Schedule, I was pleased they took my suggestion that they invite their mums to be the witnesses. There's nobody to whom your wedding is more important than your mother, and they are always surprised and delighted to be asked, because they usually assume that the best man and chief bridesmaid will be doing it.

I got a lovely email from them not long afterwards, saying "We just wanted to say thank you for a fantastic wedding ceremony. We and everyone else loved it and all have said how good you were. It was very personal and emotional and just what we wanted... it all went so fast. We had a fantastic day and the sun was even shining by the time we got to the reception!"

Thanks Claire and Andy - I hope you have lots of fun on your long trip around the world, and thanks also to Alan Hutchison Photography for the excellent shots.

Maybe For A While

2011-05-20T23:13:00.002+01:00

I was out on Inchcolm Island today conducting a wedding for Lindsay and Smiffy, which was great fun, and I was pleased to find they'd booked my classical guitarist friend Stewart Maclennan to provide the soundtrack for the ceremony.

He played a great set, as ever, and when we were chatting afterwards he told me he's just released his debut album, Maybe For A While, which shows a very different side of his musical character.

As his bio says, he's an American-Scot with an eclectic blend of influences in his music. His songs are a potent mix of country, blues, and folk music delivered in a rich baritone voice, more than a little reminiscent of Johnny Cash. I particularly liked Just Begun, and Love In A Mist, but you can get a preview of all the tracks on his page on Airplay Direct.

Rawrip Review says "His music is really a breath of fresh air, uncomplicated, dreamy almost and certainly warming." If you want to check him out for your wedding, catch him live on Saturday nights at Henderson's Restaurant in Edinburgh and say hi from me.

Met in a Palace, Live in a Castle and Married in an Abbey...

2011-04-29T19:14:00.001+01:00

As Kate and William's celebrations were coming to a climax at Westminster this morning, I was en route to Dumfries and Galloway to conduct a wedding for another couple, who as one of their guests told me, had "met in a palace, live in a castle and were now about to get married in an abbey".

It was a long drive so I tuned into Radio 4 which allowed me to hear the cheering crowds in the Mall, the excitement about the dress, the beautiful choral singing and the sonorous voice of the Archbishop of Canterbury pronouncing the happy couple husband and wife, and it gave me time to think about the similarities and the differences between the two ceremonies.

Some of the differences were obvious. Mari and Gareth don't own their castle, but work for the National Trust for Scotland and they entered Sweetheart Abbey as commoners. In place of the million spectators along the royal route, they had a happy crowd of onlookers leaning over the fence. Not only were there no hymns or prayers, and no ambassadors from Middle Eastern regimes of dubious reputation, but the abbey had no roof, so there were lots of brollies in case the weather did its worst. (It didn't).

But there were more important differences. Although the new Duke and Duchess of Cambridge had written a prayer for their ceremony, Gareth and Mari had written all of theirs; not just the vows, which they spoke from memory, but their reasons for marrying and their thoughts about what marriage means to them.

And while Rowan Williams was speaking on behalf of God, I was speaking on behalf of Mari and Gareth. So I could tell that their family and friends recognised their words and thoughts as they listened to me, and to their various friends who were also involved in delivering the ceremony.

But there was undoubtedly some big similarities as well. We all feel uplifted when two people declare their love for one another in public. And when I stopped off for a cup of tea at the cafe across the road, I heard the waitresses coming back in saying, "Wasn't that a lovely dress!"

Allyson & Martyn's Humanist Wedding in The Royal Botanic Garden Edinburgh

2011-04-10T18:10:00.002+01:00

Meet Martyn and Allyson! From Leicestershire and the Eastern Seaboard of the USA respectively, they're a pair of seasoned world travellers who as they put it in their ceremony, 'cancelled out each other's effect on the planet', before discovering and deciding to live in Edinburgh, where one of the places they grew to love was the Royal Botanic Garden at Inverleith.

That was why they chose it as the venue for their open-air wedding ceremony. Outdoor weddings are very romantic, but it takes a very special kind of romantic to have one in Scotland in early March!

Their ceremony was different in a lot of other ways too. Although Allyson arrived in a car with her father...

She and Martyn wanted to arrive at the Redwood Grove together, as a couple.

On the right hand side of frame, you can just see the Cairn String Quartet, who played them in with the Pachelbel Canon in D Major, and as they signed the marriage schedule, gave us an arrangement of the George Harrison classic, "Here Comes The Sun". Which was a bit ironic because the temperature at the time was hovering only slightly above zero!

Allyson sent me this note, along with these great shots from Ace Lensman, Trevor Wilson of Silver Photography.

Martyn and I would like to thank you for conducting our wedding ceremony last week. The day exceeded our expectations, in large part because the ceremony set a personal and easygoing tone that carried throughout the reception.

Several guests commented on how good you were at easing people's apprehensions about a humanist wedding and keeping everyone occupied before I arrived (fashionably late, of course - turns out corset dresses take a long time to lace!).

Thank you also for holding up against the weather; we knew it would be chilly but hadn't expected it to be quite that cold!

We haven't stopped talking about how wonderfully unique the ceremony was, and we'd like to thank you for playing such a large role in making the day special.

Thanks Allyson and Martyn and thanks as always to Trevor Wilson who's posted a nice story about the ceremony on his blog too - you can read it here. Or read this piece with lots more photos, from Whimsical Wonderland Weddings.

Jennifer & Mo's Humanist Wedding at The Vu

2011-04-10T10:09:00.009+01:00

I was really pleased that Jennifer & Mo sent me a link to this video of their wedding this morning. Not because it shows my best feature - the back of my head - but because it reminded me how moving it was to see and hear them speaking their vows to one another.

The short dialogue section in the film is at the 'exchange of rings' and if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye, try sticking a pin in your thigh to check you're alive!

As Jennifer said, It was a very emotional day and we can't thank you enough. Everyone has been commenting on how moving and personal the whole ceremony was - even the staff at The Vu said it was the nicest ceremony they had seen. Thanks again for making our ceremony so special and memorable.

One thing that I think really helped was that we had a quick rehearsal at Jen & Mo's house the evening before. I knew that they wanted to speak their vows directly to one another, and they'd made up cards, but they'd forgotten that they were going to be looking at them from a distance of about 6 feet, so it gave them time to print them out onto cards with MUCH BIGGER TEXT so they were able to read them much more easily.

Just a little thing, but I know it made a big difference. Thanks as always to Mo and Jennifer for choosing me as their celebrant, and to LB Photovid for allowing me to use this clip.

Humanist Weddings in The Guardian

2011-03-15T19:02:00.002Z

I was really pleased to see this article in Comment is Free today. It points out the connection between the inexorable rise of the Humanist wedding ceremony here in Scotland and the question on religion in the forthcoming Census - or at least it would do if the editors in their wisdom hadn't chopped my piece in half...

But never mind. The wedding I wrote about was between Amanda and David and they sent me some great pics to illustrate it.

Amanda said, "We have such lovely memories of our wedding and the part of it that was most special, to us, was the ceremony.

To share our love for one another with all our family and friends, meant a great deal and was a unique experience.

We also felt that we had got to know you by the time the wedding came round and it was so nice that you were also part of our day…and not just an extra, so to speak!

Sadly I seem to have lost the photo of the fabulous Aston Martin that was Amanda's wedding present to Dave... for six days only. But still - what a six days!

Humanist Weddings in Scotland Are More Popular than Catholic Ones - it's official!

2011-02-21T00:57:00.002Z

We've been waiting a long time to see this story in Scotland on Sunday (and thanks are due to Marc Horne the journalist for breaking the story).

Four years, in fact, ever since Gordon Ross, who was then the National Ceremonies Convenor, got his calculator out and 'did the math' as the Americans say.

That was back in 2007, when we got the second set of statistics from the Registrar General of Scotland.

When our ceremonies became legal in June 2005, we did 48 weddings during the course of the rest of the year.

In 2006, we conducted nearly 500 which was a big jump, but as we were going from a standing start, it wasn't that surprising.

But it still seemed very optimistic to predict that by 2010 we'd overtake the Catholic Church.

Gordon was confident. In a former life, he was a statistician.

Winston Churchill famously talked about 'lies, damn lies and statistics' as a way to make things look better than they really are, but for once the numbers don't lie.

As an institution, marriage has been decline in Scotland since the end of World War II. 43,206 marriages were registered in 1946 but only 27,524 in 2009, the last year for which full statistics exist.

The only form of marriage that is bucking that trend is the Humanist one. And that, quite simply is because it's the only form of marriage where couples are free to say in their own words why they're doing what they're doing, what their hopes are for the future and what they're promising.

As Julian Baggini wrote in 2008, "Weddings up 64%" is probably the most unlikely headline of the year, but add one word and it's completely true. That word is "humanist."

I checked with Gordon yesterday. According to his original calculation, we are due to overtake the Church of Scotland in 2015.

This time, I'm prepared to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Deborah and Brian's Humanist Wedding at Ghillie Dhu

2011-02-02T19:25:00.002Z

It was back in October that I celebrated Deborah and Brian's wedding so I was really pleased this morning when I got an email from Brian telling me their great news - they're expecting their first child!

He went on to say, "So, before the next 20 years of my life disappear in a haze of nappies, adolescent tantrums and graduation ceremonies, I just wanted to take a moment to say a heartfelt thank you for all your help."

Brian & Deborah wrote a great ceremony, and they were very funny about the way their love had blossomed thanks to Deborah's Auntie Christine, pickled capers and works nights out at the Northern Bowling Club. But what I didn't realise on the day was that they were both a bit worried about how it would go down with Brian's family, who are all good God-fearing Irish Catholics from the wilds of West Cork! Brian takes up the tale...

"Now, I must admit to being particularly concerned about my family’s reaction, especially after my pre-ceremony explanations were met with looks of bewildered anxiety and outright fear at the prospect of the impending ‘pagan’ ritual. However, as it turned out my fears were totally swept away from the very start of the ceremony thanks in no small part to your pitch perfect manner and approach to the proceedings.

You managed to combine the authority and gravitas of a traditional ceremony (reassuring even the most conservative guest that a ‘real’ wedding was actually taking place and not a casual quasi-New Age rite!) with the warmth and openness that allowed all those present to share in the intimacy of our day.

Your joke about the hooded cloaks under the seats has become a much enjoyed and oft repeated part of the family story of the day (as anyone cornered by my uncles after a few pints will testify!). Family and friends continue to comment on the ‘buzz’ about the ceremony – the palpable sense of shared intimacy and connectivity.

The ceremony conveyed our feelings and emotions perfectly and by doing so enthused and delighted our loved ones. We couldn’t have asked for anything more.

As ever, it was my pleasure. Thank you, Deborah & Brian, and I wish all three of you every happiness! My thanks also to their photographer, Marc Miller for these great shots.

Heather & Stephen's Humanist wedding at Cambo House, St Andrews

2010-12-24T12:47:00.008Z

There's something inherently dramatic about the idea of marrying in a winter wonderland, but this is the first year for a long time that the weather in Scotland has made that possible over the Festive Season.

Sadly for more than one couple, that led to last-minute postponements, but by the time Stephen and Heather's big day came round, the snowploughs had been out, and almost all of their friends and family made it to the splendid Victorian pile that is Cambo House.

Heather and Stephen first met when they were only fifteen, working in a hotel in Broughty Ferry. One of the many nice things that came out of their homework was the realisation that Stephen had clocked Heather fully a week before she deigned to glance in his direction...

But as he was wearing a paper hat at the time, and as he was up to his elbows in a sink full of greasy plates, perhaps she can be forgiven for failing to notice his rugged good looks.

I'd always thought Heather had more than a hint of Hollywood glamour, but it wasn't until she came in on her father's arm that I realised who she reminded me of: no, not Rosalind Russell, so much as Snow White!

Heather is also a talented designer, and I was struck by the elegant typography on the cards that she and Stephen used when they spoke their vows to one another.

It's always good to have live music at a wedding, but it was particularly special today, because Heather's father Derek played three pieces that he had chosen for the happy couple, and he kept them a secret until the day.

They were an eclectic choice: The Man I Love, by George Gershwin, Liebestraume no. 3, by Liszt, and Liebesfreund by Fritz Kreisler, and he played them all brilliantly.

Stephen and Heather had to endure ten years of living in different cities before they finally clinched the deal on a winter holiday to Vienna. In the ceremony, they wrote very poignantly of the pain of separation and the joy of finally realising that their love for one another was more important than their careers, and that that no matter what, they would spend the rest of their lives together.
.

As Heather wrote, "many of our guests said it was such a touching ceremony and that they'd never been to one like it, so our thanks again have to go to you for helping us create such a special moment in our lives and that of our families."

My thanks to Heather, Stephen and their families, and especially to their talented photographer friend, Mary Beth Koeth, who worked with Heather for a while, but who's now back in the States at the Miami Ad School. You can see more of her work here and here

Winter Weddings!

2010-12-20T19:36:00.001Z

I have to say that despite all the weather reports, I'm rather enjoying the excitement that goes with driving over freezing slush with a spade in the boot and a life support kit on the back seat of the old Saab...

On Saturday, I had to get to St Andrews; yesterday was in quite the other direction, all the way down to Dumfries & Galloway, to a castle somewhere near Moffat.

An impressive Edwardian pile, it looked all brooding and splendidly gloomy...

And it was a late afternoon ceremony so although the sun hadn't yet gone down, the moon was floating over the far horizon.

I was delighted to see that when I got there, Fernando, the groom, was waiting at the front door.

But I was saddened to learn when we spoke that his parents and sister were stuck in Paris, caught up in the travel chaos.

It reminded me that although the snow may be hard to deal with for those of us who live here, it's so much worse for people who are half way across the world and who can't be with the people they love on the most important day of their lives.

Sara & Stuart's Humanist Wedding at Carberry Towers

2010-12-17T13:40:00.002Z

It's always lovely to get an email from couples when they get back from their honeymoon, but I was very touched to get a card and some old-skool photographs from Sara & Stuart who chose the romantic setting of Carberry Towers for their wedding.

I was particularly pleased to read what they said about their homework exercise...

As they said, "we really believe it has made us stronger, and helped us realise what's important to us."

And that's not a cliché. It just happens to be true... Thanks Stuart and Sara. Long may you feel that way!

Gemma & Colin's Humanist Wedding at Norton House

2010-11-30T18:22:00.005Z

When people ask me what I do as a celebrant, I sometimes talk about my 'Virtual Parish'.

As a celebrant, I conduct more funerals than I do weddings, but they are both 'a celebration of life', and just as at almost every wedding, someone comes up and tells me it's the best they've ever been to, so at a funeral, a line I never tire of hearing is, 'I know this sounds wrong, but I really enjoyed that!'

Over the five years that I've been a celebrant of the Humanist Society of Scotland, I've developed a kind of relationship with some families where I've conducted different ceremonies for them.

And when Gemma and I first spoke, it was because I'd conducted the funeral for her Granny Betty, a remarkable lady of strong character who had been a member of the Humanist Association of Northern Ireland way back in the 1960's when hardly anyone anywhere had ever come across the term.

So this was a special ceremony for me in the sense that I felt a connection already existed, and it was special in other ways too. Gemma's cousin Robert piped Gemma in, just as he had Betty. And Colin the groom is an Irishman, and there was a strong contingent there from that part of the world, and I'm sure that not all of them were wondering why on earth Colin had chosen to marry his lovely bride on the day the Springboks were playing at the new stadium at Lansdowne Road.

But they also chose to have a handfasting. Handfasting is an ancient Celtic tradition representing the binding together of two people in love. The bride and groom hold hands and a cloth is wrapped around them, which is where the expression “tying the knot” comes from. Often in Scotland, tartan cloths are used, because tartan is the symbol of the family or clan, and its intricate patterns also represent the binding together of different strands to make something whole. Colin and Gemma chosen a tartan ribbon to represent the Scots and a green one to represent the Irish.

There are many different ways to do a handfasting. Usually the celebrant does it, but you can ask different friends to come up and bind a cloth each. Or you can do it the way I did in this ceremony, which is to get the couple to grasp each other's elbow, wind the two ribbons around their forearms, and give each of them one pair of ends, and then ask them to pull.

When they do, they end up with a pair of ribbons knotted together, and their hands are free to sign the Marriage Schedule...

The other rather touching thing they did was to remember to make sure that at the end of the ceremony, there was a member of staff waiting for them when they left the room to the sound of applause, holding a silver tray on which there were not two, but three glasses of champagne.

By that point, I need a drink too! Gemma sent me a lovely message on their return from honeymoon.

'Everyone has commented on how much they enjoyed the ceremony and how moving it was. It sounds like we weren't the only ones needing tissues!'

And that wasn't just because Ireland lost 21-23! My thanks to Gemma and Colin and their families and friends for making me feel so welcome, and to Maria Falconer for the great pics.

Emma & Richard's Humanist Wedding at Mansfield Traquair

2010-11-27T13:16:00.000Z

Mansfield Traquair is a stunning setting for a wedding, and I've never seen a shot that captures its magical atmosphere better than this one, from Richard and Emma. Here's what Emma wrote when she sent me these great shots.

I just wanted to drop you a note to say thank you so so much for conducting our wonderful wedding at Mansfield. We had the most amazing day but the most memorable part was our ceremony. We knew instantly when we met you and started discussing a humanist wedding service that it was just what we wanted and as a couple what we are really about and when the two of us were facing each other on the day listening to the words that we both had written it was a true reminder of what getting married is all about.

Everyone has told us how beautiful and different it was and how fantastic you were... The experience of actually doing our homework and going through readings and poems was such fun and a really special time, which highlighted exactly why we are together and going through the memories to create our story was just brilliant. it was so lovely to put a bit of us into something which defines us for the years to come. to also make the promises to each other which we intend to keep was amazing and we will always remember that part as it was like there was only the two of us in the room.

Thanks also for getting through the service with the noise going on from the wee ones. Getting one two year old to sit for 30 minutes is hard enough let alone three of them and when they all know each other and just want to play its very difficult, especially when their mum and dad are the bridesmaid and usher... Thank you so much for your patience. I do believe it did create some of the more funny moments of the day and I will always remember Ellis appearing up the aisle with a bottle of Diet Coke in her hand...

Thanks so much again Tim - our day was the most special day of our lives and we couldn't have done it without you.

It's a day we will always treasure and even more so because we wrote the words ourselves. You gave us the opportunity to do that.

Thank you, Emma and Richard. It was a pleasure!

I know where I'm going... Part 2

2010-11-07T15:14:00.001Z

The day after the article on body donation appeared in Scotland on Sunday, I got a call from a producer at BBC Radio Scotland, who asked if I'd be prepared to visit the Anatomy Lab at the School of Medicine at the University of Edinburgh, where Dr Gordon Linklater would show me precisely what will happen to me if and when I end up there after my death.

I have to admit I wasn't exactly overwhelmed by enthusiasm at the prospect, and I was more than a little worried that the sight of a recently dismembered corpse on a slab would make me feel distinctly queasy at the very least.

But I didn't want to be chicken, so last Monday, I spent a couple of hours there with the lovely Dr Linklater and a nice producer called Bonnie, and the resulting piece was broadcast this morning on the Ricky Ross Sunday show. You can listen to it here for the next week. Scroll forward on iPlayer to 4' 30"

If you want to leave your body to the School of Medicine in Edinburgh, please click here

Or if you want to find out more, read this information from the National Web Archive which gives contact information for all the schools in Scotland and some elsewhere.

Iona & Nigel's Humanist Wedding at Harburn House

2010-11-06T17:28:00.001Z

I've got a classic Suzuki 1100 ES sitting idle in my garage as I type this, but not so long ago I was a keen motorcyclist, and as it says on my profile on the HSS site, I've always wanted to conduct a biker wedding. I suppose I had the idea that it would involve everyone arriving on bikes in full leathers, and it being something of a wild, high octane event, but as usual the reality was a little different.

Nigel and Iona met through Saddletramps an outfit that friends of mine also rode with, so I felt an affinity with them both from the start. But it was when they sent me their homework that I got really interested. It was amazing. Searingly honest, (their dislike for one another was mutual for quite a while at first), emotionally open, funny and moving, there were times I thought "Woooah! Too much information", but I knew that if they chose to use any of it in the ceremony, it would be one to remember.

And it was. But for quite the opposite reason.

Iona and Nigel hardly used any of the material they'd shared in their homework at all. Instead, they wrote something entirely new, that was just as honest, open, funny and moving, but in a very different way.

One of the quotations they chose was from Lao Tzu, the father of Taoist philosophy.

‘Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.’ Nigel and Iona have found this to be true.

I learned a lot from Nigel & Iona's wedding, not least that the homework isn't just for the ceremony. It's its own reward; you can use it, or not use it, but you won't regret doing it.

It was a great wedding in so many ways. Sadly I left just as the wilder part of the evening was getting under way, but it looked as though it was going to be a LOT of fun.

Iona sent me a lovely note, which said, among other things, "Thank you again for everything, for being with us and conducting our ceremony, and very very importantly for giving us our homework, which was and is invaluable and we will value it for years and years to come..."

My thanks to Iona & Nigel and all their family and friends for making me so welcome, and to their photographer Nick Kirk for allowing me to use so many of his great shots.

I know where I'm going... Part 1

2010-10-26T08:46:00.004+01:00

The School of Medicine at The University of Edinburgh. Not as a student, but as an object of study...

Read this article by Peter Ross that first appeared in Scotland on Sunday

The BBC obviously read it, because they asked me not just to go on the radio and talk about it, but to go to the Anatomy Lab and see what will happen to me if my body is accepted (gulp!): I've written about that experience in I know where I'm going... Part 2.

Humanist Weddings - They're a Guy Thing...

2010-10-18T19:11:00.001+01:00

OK I lied. Weddings really aren't a guy thing.
Men don't grow up in The Cinderella Complex.
We don't lie in bed at the age of nine thinking, "One day, when I get married, I'm going to wear..."
Or even, "One day, when I get married, all the table favours are going to match my team's football strip."

Men think that Weddings Are For Girls.

Don't get me wrong; a lot of men want to be married.
But most men, (and I'm aware that this is a sweeping statement, but bear with me), think that weddings are mostly about shopping - and what that means is being dragged on on endless visits to choose the photographer and the venue and the caterer and the flowers and so on and so forth, where their only role is to say, "Yes, dear, whatever you say."

When couples come to see me, I always ask if they've read this blog, and 8 times out of 10 it's the bride to be who says, "Yes, and it's been really helpful!" And the groom to be sits there looking slightly sheepish, hoping I don't notice. Well this post is for him. (So get him to come over to the screen and read this next bit over your shoulder...)

Your wedding ceremony is the one part of the day that isn't about shopping. It's all about using your imagination and speaking your mind. And if there's one thing you like to do, it's speak your mind.

A Humanist wedding is the only form of marriage where a couple are free to talk about the reasons they love one another and speak about their hopes and promises in their own words. That means both of you.

It's a unique privilege that took twenty years of campaigning to achieve.

Here's the difference.

In an old-fashioned wedding ceremony, the person conducting the ceremony tells the bride and groom and their friends and family what marriage means, and what they are promising one another.

In a Humanist wedding, it's the other way round.

When we meet, I won't tell you what marriage means.
I will ask you what marriage means to you.

I want you to think about why you're doing this, what your hopes and intentions are, and then - on the day - I (and anybody else you want to involve in delivering parts of the ceremony) will tell your friends and family.

So that's why a humanist wedding IS a guy thing.
Because it's about your thoughts, your feelings, your reasons, your hopes and your promises.
And it doesn't work without your input.
And just think - whatever you choose to say, she has to go, "Yes, dear, whatever you say."

Result!

Becky & Adam's Humanist Wedding on Inchcolm Island

2010-10-15T17:47:00.001+01:00

I had a nice surprise at the Edinburgh Volunteer Fair yesterday where I bumped into Adam who's now working with a local charity and he reminded me that he and Becky had sent me some pics from their wedding last year that I had completely forgotten to post - which is a shame because it was a wonderful day and I remember it well, not least because of the story of how they met.

Entirely separately, they were both hitching to Glastonbury when they managed to get a lift in the back of a a rusty blue transit van with a large hole in the bottom, through which an abundance of exhaust fumes poured in, making them Becky lose the will to live, and Adam lose the contents of his stomach!

They survived the journey, and the mud, and the trench foot, and going to Art College together, before moving to South Queensferry, from which the wonderfully atmospheric Isle of Inchcolm is only a short boat trip away.

It was a wild and windy day, but if anything it made it all the more romantic.

And I'm glad that even if my memory is deficient, Adam's isn't!

He mailed me saying, "We just wanted to say a great big THANK YOU for making our day such a special one, on the eve of our anniversary. We are going over to inchcolm tomorrow as part of our celebrations. It was truely a wonderful day enjoyed by all, so thank you for all your work and guidance."

As ever, it was my pleasure!

Katy & Jerome's Humanist wedding at Gorton House in Midlothian

2010-10-15T17:25:00.000+01:00

Katy & Jerome met four years ago in Canada when they were both on an exchange - Katy from Scotland and Jerome from Australia, and as they said in their ceremony, they were both expecting to meet new people have fun and see another part of the world, but not to fall in love, so it was no surprise that they were joined by friends and family who'd travelled from North America, France, Norway, Australia, and all over the UK to be with them for their special day.

It was a glorious autumn afternoon and they wrote a very touching ceremony, so I asked Katy for her thoughts about it and what it meant. This is what she wrote.

Although we might like to think we know each others thoughts, Jerome actually came up with some lovely things that I wasn't so aware of, and hopefully I also did the same to him, and it was also nice just to hear it said out loud.

The thing I liked most about the ceremony was that it was actually about us and it was unique - I was quite against a religious or civil ceremony not just because they didn't reflect my beliefs, but also because they tend to be much more generic.

I think the fact that we were able to describe our own thoughts on marriage in our own words, rather than just having someone else describe what they think marriage means, made it even more personal and special.

I think it will be a great think to have to look back on in the years to come, especially if we go through any tough times, to remind us why we fell in love and what we committed to.

In terms of the ceremony itself on the day, I'd like to think it had just the right balance between being informal but also being special and meaningful. It is certainly something I will never forget and will have much pleasure looking back on.

We have had lots of good feedback so hopefully something went right!

Lenny Loves Music

2010-09-30T19:09:00.003+01:00

It's always good to have live music during your wedding, but no party is complete without a great DJ. May I introduce Lenny Love, aka Doctor Love, aka, the Love God, aka Dino Martini from Scotland's favourite club, Vegas.

Lenny's career in the music industry has been long and illustrious. A former A&R man at Island Records, he launched his own label Sensible Records, managed Art School punk legends, The Rezillos and tour managed Simple Minds, before going onto work as a SONY award winning DJ on various stations including Edinburgh's Radio Forth. He now DJ's for various clubs across the world, from Adelaide to Barcelona and is available for your wedding.

His record collection is vast, his judgement impeccable, his fee modest, and his taste catholic. As he says, he likes everything from the '30s to the present day, country to crooners, disco to divas, easy to cheesy, funk to punk, hip-hop to be-bop, jazz to jive, latin to lounge, pop to rock, blues, soul, R & B, swing, as well as music from movies and TV.

You can find him here on Twitter, and any minute now, he'll be launching his own website, Lenny Loves Music where you'll be able to get an idea of how he gets the dancefloor moving and grooving, pumping and jumping, and generally having a funky good time...

Adele & Paul's Humanist Wedding at Dalhousie Castle

2010-09-22T14:23:00.002+01:00

Messages like this one from Adele and Paul just remind me how fortunate I am to be doing what I do.

Words cannot express how happy we were with the ceremony and all the guests were very complimentary. One is a regular churchgoer (of the Catholic persuasion), and she was just blown away with how open, honest and personal the ceremony was and said she wished Christian weddings were the same.

My Dad even mentioned it in his speech (which I suspect he made up on the spot!) The overall consensus was that no one had enjoyed a wedding so much; they were kept engaged the whole time and enjoyed hearing our story.

In true patriarchal fashion I think they all thought you wrote the ceremony and they were surprised that we scripted the whole thing. That is what made it so special for us. We were the drivers, rather than the passengers. We love your methods and are grateful for the ceremonies others were willing to share that helped us devise our own. Of course we wouldn't and couldn't have written such a great ceremony without your guidance and are happy we found you.

As I was to meet you too, Adele & Paul - thank you again!

Good Without God

2010-09-20T13:13:00.002+01:00

When the Pope's visit was announced some time ago, the HSS debated long and hard about how we should respond, and eventually decided that while we agree with all the arguments put forward by the Protest the Pope campaign, because of where we live and Scotland's sectarian history, we'd have to do something different.

So last week we put up a poster in Glasgow, and launched a web site that attracted almost 20,000 hits on the day of the Pope's visit to Scotland.

I and my colleagues on the Board of Trustees spent a large part of the week talking to the media from all over the world, and yesterday I wrote an article for the Sunday Mail that sums up what I wanted to say on the subject, but that you won't find on the web because they don't post everything they print. I hope you like it.

Before his visit to Scotland, the Pope was urged by his Scottish advisers to avoid making comments that could be seen as provocative. He obviously chose to ignore them, because he was hardly off the plane before he was attacking “aggressive secularism” and drawing unfortunate comparisons between atheists and the Nazis. You’d have thought that by his age, Pope Benedict would have learned that you don’t make friends and influence people by calling them nasty names.

The Humanist Society of Scotland didn’t burn any bibles, or stand on the streets shouting abuse; Scotland has a long and nasty tradition of sectarianism, and we deplore it, just as we deplore the Vatican’s stance on the rights of women, and gay people and its abject failure to deal with the long-running scandal of child abuse.

Instead, we put up a poster in Glasgow that points out, very politely, that at least 2 million Scots believe they are good without God. Or in other words, that 40% of the population think it’s perfectly possible to lead a good and worthwhile life guided by reason & compassion alone.

The Pope is confusing secularism - which means that people should have the freedom to practice their religion but be free from the domination of religion - with selfish materialism and consumerism. And as he’s an intellectual, I think it’s reasonable to believe that he’s using words like militant, and aggressive, and Nazi deliberately.

The pope’s trying to suggest that our liberal, democratic society lacks morality, but what he really wants is that religious people should be free to discriminate in areas like employment, and education rather than abide by the equality laws that protect the rights and freedoms of us all.

Actually secular societies are more moral than religious ones. Sweden, the most secular country in the world, gives the highest proportion of its gross domestic product in aid. Secularists don’t stone women to death for adultery, as they do in Iran, or murder people for teaching girls to read and write, as they do in Afghanistan, and I’ll be very surprised if we learn that the five Algerian men arrested in London on suspicion of plotting to assassinate him turn out to be secularists.

Why’s he attacking secularism? It’s simple: the pope’s rattled. Only 12% of the population is Catholic, and every time he opens his mouth, more and more people turn away from religion. In fact Pope Benedict is the poster boy for secularism.

And it’s ironic, because if our statistics are correct, 2010 is the year that humanist weddings in Scotland will become more popular than Catholic ones. What that means is that people are voting with their feet. More and more of them are thinking for themselves and identifying with humanist values.

You can visit the Good Without God web site here - please join our campaign, and remember when the 2011 census comes around, we'll remind you to put a big tick in the "no religion" box.

Let Me Choose

2010-09-02T21:59:00.004+01:00

I've been a bit busy this week; not so much with ceremonies as with my volunteer job as Media Officer for the HSS. It's taken us quite a while to get round to campaigning again, but as luck would have it we have not one but two new campaigns - Let Me Choose being the one that launched today.

We were with MSP Margo MacDonald at the Scottish Parliament this morning, supporting her End of Life Assistance Bill.

With us were Julie and Andrew Johnston. Like Margo, Julie has Parkinson's disease, and they both spoke very movingly about their wish to have a choice about the way in which they end their lives.

Our secretary, John Bishop, who's also a celebrant explained that most people in the UK and Europe actually support the idea of Physician Assisted Suicide (with suitable safeguards)

And our convenor, Juliet Wilson talked about the reasons we hope the public will get behind the campaign.

You can read some of them here - I hope you'll take a moment to visit the site, sign the petition to the Scottish Parliament and if you live here, write to your MSPs.

It's a serious issue, but Julie and Margo took it lightly and they were an inspiration to us all.

Wendy & John's Humanist Wedding on Yellowcraigs Beach, East Lothian

2010-08-30T12:48:00.001+01:00

I said in my last post that I was about to conduct a wedding on a beach - well this is it! Sometimes you get lucky with the weather in Scotland, and John and Wendy certainly did.

Most of their friends had come up from England, and they'd never been to a Humanist wedding before.

Although I was pleased to meet the guy in the kilt on the right hand side of this picture again - it's William, whose wedding to Zoe I'd had the pleasure of celebrating back in 2009.

We were really lucky with the weather - as we came down to the beach, there was a haar rolling in from the Firth of Forth and the island of Fidra completely vanished at one point.

It was a lovely ceremony. One of the things that made it unique was that Wendy & John decided to give their guests two envelopes that they weren't to open before they got to the beach. Envelope A contained the lyrics to my favourite Proclaimers song, '500 Miles' and although they were all Sassenachs, they sang with lusty enthusiasm!

Another thing was the desk where we signed the Marriage Schedule - there wasn't one, and although we could probably have used a rock, Danny stepped forward and lent us his back for the occasion, and Hazel and Arlene, John and Wendy's mums were the witnesses.

Wendy and John had prepared for the day in every possible way. They even had an alternative ending for the ceremony in case the weather had turned nasty - as they said, "Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain".

I'm glad we didn't need to use it, but I'm sure we would all have been every bit as happy on the day!

My thanks to Alan, Wendy's dad, for the photos - wonderfully informal and every one a winner.

How To Save Money on Your Humanist Wedding

2010-08-10T11:11:00.002+01:00

hardly a day goes by without someone in public life deploring the soaring cost of weddings. Canon Giles Fraser was moaning about it on Thought for The Day, with Andrew Brown lining up behind him in The Guardian.

One of their complaints is that wedding ceremonies focus on the egos of the individuals, rather than the universal values that marriage celebrates. The other is the cost.

Having conducted quite a few wedding ceremonies now, I think they're both missing the point.

I encourage the couples I marry to tell their story, talk about their reasons for marrying and their hopes for the future, because I know that in listening to what they have to say, their friends and family hear echoes of their own hopes and fears, recognise their own triumphs and disasters, and that is what makes the ceremony both unique AND universal.

The over-riding message they hear is that love (in the sense of empathy, compassion and fellow-feeling), is the most important human value. And if I had a gold-wrapped chocolate coin for every time I've been told that afterwards by a guest or family member, I'd be a very fat celebrant by now.

Weddings don't need to cost the earth. Last weekend, I conducted a wedding in a field down in the Borders and this weekend I'll be on a beach in East Lothian. Cost for venue, nil.

Unlike Canon Fraser, I don't want to preach. So if you want to marry in a castle and be a princess for a day, go ahead. A wedding is celebration of love, but it's also a party and you should have the best one you possibly can.

But if you feel that you might be able to put twenty grand to better use over the next few years, you could ask your friends to make the food, use your imagination, and focus your energy on having a dream marriage, rather than a dream wedding, as this article in the Guardian suggests.

Fee and Richard's Humanist Wedding on the beach at Orocco Pier

2010-08-01T09:26:00.007+01:00

As there's often as much as a year between our first meeting and the wedding, I always ask the couples I'm going to marry to send me a photograph of themselves - it helps me remember who they are. Fee and Richard sent me two, and because they tell a story, I'm posting them here.

This one was taken not long after Fee became the new receptionist at JS Marr, where Richard, "a naive, skinny, spotty 18 year old with very little ambition" was working in the photo lab, and popped his head round the door to greet the new arrival.

Over eight years, their friendship blossomed, before decaying and dying due to new jobs (Fee) and mad girlfriends (Richard), but three years later, curiosity and unassuaged longing brought them together again permanently, hence photo number two, with their little boy Lucas.

So fifteen years after they first met, they finally decided to tell their story on their wedding day at Orocco Pier in South Queensferry

I arrived just as Richard and his best men were walking down the cobbled street outside

Fee eventually joined us, along with Lucas, her mum and her bridesmaids. (Note to brides: 7 inch stillettos are tricky on a pebble beach. Fee managed, but you might prefer bare feet to the possibility of a twisted ankle!)

And we all assembled in front of one of the eight wonders of the world, the Forth Rail Bridge.

It was a very moving ceremony.

Along with these great photos, taken by friend Gee Whisker, Fee and Richard sent me this note.

I would just like to say a huge thank you for helping make our wedding day the most wonderful day of our lives. Apparently there was hardly a dry eye in the house by the time we had finished.

We had such an amazing day and everyone commented on how special our ceremony was.

In fact most people have said it’s the best wedding they have ever been to! I think the barometer for success is also that at least three different people asked for your details for their wedding/funeral(!)/naming ceremony!

We were truly amazed by how many people were genuinely moved by the ceremony due to its very personal nature and how everyone could see how much Richard and I love each other.

There's no doubt about that! My thanks to Rick and Fee for allowing me to share their story with you, and of course to Gillian Whisker for the excellent shots.

Victoria & WIll's Humanist Wedding at Balbirnie Castle

2010-07-16T13:37:00.003+01:00

Victoria and Will's wedding was a very international affair. They met while working in Japan, and their guests came all the way from Alaska at one end of the world and New Zealand at the other to join in a very happy and joyous ceremony. This was the first time that I've ever had a letter afterwards from the father of the bride thanking me for the ceremony, which was a lovely surprise.

Photographer Ruth Hillman did some great shots - so many in fact that I decided to ask her to choose some, and I invited her to share her own memories of the day.

Victoria & Will's humanist service was just lovely! Full of happiness and laughter, whilst observing the necessary reverence at all the right bits!!

A true reflection of their personalities, it was clearly evident that everybody thoroughly enjoyed the service and I am sure all of those present will remember it as the perfect start to Victoria & Will's new journey together as husband and wife.

It was an incredibly sunny day just at the end of April and the light levels were bouncing around all over the place, so I think Ruth did really well to catch these moments; what strikes me is just how happy everyone looks, but that's how I remember it as well, so it's documentary realism...

Victoria sent me a lovely note to say "We are both very grateful for the help and advice you gave us to making our exceptional ceremony. We had a wonderful day. Everyone commented on how brilliant you were at relaxing everyone into the ceremony."

My thanks to Ruth for her words and pictures, (of which you can see more here, on her blog), and of course to Victoria and Will for allowing me to use them.

Multi-lingual Weddings

2010-07-05T16:07:00.001+01:00

I've just had a call from a lady whose daughter is marrying her French boyfriend, and it occurred to me that I haven't written anything yet specifically about ceremonies in other languages than English.

In the first place, the whole ceremony could be conducted in a different language (including Gaelic or old Scots) as long as the couple, the Celebrant and the witnesses understand what is being said, using the services of an official translator if necessary. More importantly, the legal declarations do not have to be made in English, as long as they are clearly understood by the couple, the Celebrant and the witnesses.

Most of the ceremonies I conduct are entirely in English, with the odd bit of Scots thrown in, but I do get asked to do bi-lingual ceremonies as well, and they are great fun.

I'm lucky that I've lived in France, so I'm reasonably fluent, and my work as a producer and director took me round a lot of the world, so I've learned how to ask for two beers in most languages apart from Arabic - it's generally not a good idea to ask for a beer in Saudi Arabia... I know that my accent in most languages is considered to be good, and I really enjoy speaking knowing that all the guests are being included in the ceremony.

To date, I've incorporated French, Spanish, Catalan, Basque, Italian, Dutch, Polish, German, Japanese and Russian elements in weddings I've conducted. Je parle francais, ed io parlo italiano, anche espanol, pero no hablo mucho. Ik spreek Nederlands, maar Ich sprach kein Deutsch, Ich bedaure, but I have a smattering of Polish, at least enough to say przepraszam, czy mowisz po Angielsku?

What you should consider is just which parts of the ceremony need to be in more than one language.

If it all needs to be translated, then it's a good idea to keep the ceremony short in the first place, but my usual advice is that we include a few elements that I speak in both languages, but bear in mind that it tends to take longer to say the same thing in both French and German.

Usually I will speak in both languages, but I'm entirely happy to have a native speaker along side me, translating paragraph by paragraph.

Another way to do it is to have someone out in amongst the audience simultaneously translating for the benefit of those guests who have no English at all - if they all sit together, that can work well.

Alternatively, if there are a lot of guests who have no English at all, then it would be worth giving them sealed copies of the ceremony that they can read at the same time as I speak, but I would generally counsel against that is it means that the guests will sit there reading, rather than watching and listening.

So - I hope that's a help. Au revoir, auf wiedersehen, da svedanya, ci vediamo, (yes, yes, shut up, we get the point!)

The Way I Work

2010-06-30T17:18:00.013+01:00

A humanist wedding is is the only form of legal marriage ceremony where two people are free to say in their own words why they are getting married, what their hopes are for the future and what they want to promise to one another.

This is a wonderful privilege, but it's also a terrifying responsibility.

Where do we start, what do we say, what don't we say, how do we make this truly OUR ceremony?

Here's how I do it.

I don't want you to think about writing a ceremony at all. I want you to tell me who you are.

You might expect me to ask you this at our first meeting, but I'm not going to do that. It's not that I'm not interested, but I'd really prefer to hear what you've got to say after you've given the matter some serious consideration.

Our first meeting is really so I can tell you the many ways in which you can make your wedding ceremony your own. It takes about an hour.

So when we meet (or speak over the phone, or Skype), as well as telling you how a typical ceremony might go (and pointing out the many ways in which every little bit of it can done in six different ways), I will give you an assignment.

The word homework sounds deadly dull, but actually it's really great fun, and every couple I have ever married has thanked me afterwards for suggesting it. This is how it works.

When we decide to ask someone to marry us, or to accept someone’s proposal, we just intuitively know that it’s the right thing to do: we don’t sit down with a tick list and go through all the things that have happened since we met that led to the decision. Or so you might think.

But actually, our subconscious minds have been keeping that list ever since we first saw one another, first spoke and went on our first date. Human beings can’t help judging – like, don’t like, like, like, don’t like – and when we finally decide that this is the only person we can’t live without, or that this person is the one that we want to spend the rest of our lives with, it’s the culmination of a long process where the likes outweigh the don’t likes by a long, long, long way!

So the homework is designed to encourage you – separately – to go back into your memories and remember not just what happened and the story of your courtship, which is fun, but even more importantly, what it was about your partner that made you think, “I love the way he or she is X“.

Remember also that this is a private conversation. I don't share your homework with anyone else. But it's what will allow me to see who you are, and how you express yourselves and that will help me find ceremonies from other couples I've married with whom you have something in common.

Not everything you say in your homework has to go into your ceremony. Sometimes none of it does - sometimes all. It's really just a way to create all the raw material you will draw on when it comes to creating it later. Still interested? Ok, the homework is as follows.

Separately, using one side of the paper only, and no conferring, I want you to

1. Write the story of you – from when you first met and everything that’s happened since. Remember it doesn't have to be War and Peace. Keep it simple, keep it truthful, and use your own voice.

2. Write down ten things about your partner that made you not just fall in love, (which as it says in Captain Corelli's Mandolin, 'any fool can do'), but that made you decide that you want to spend the rest of your lives together.

3. Finally, I want you to write down ten things that marriage means to you or that you want to achieve in your marriage.

BTW, ten is an arbitrary number. If you can only think of four great reasons, that will do. If you can only think of four hundred and four, that'll do too, but bear in mind we're aiming for a ceremony that lasts around thirty minutes and that brevity is the soul of wit...

Before you start, make a date by which you both promise to have done this, and arrange to get together one evening when you know you have a long lie the next day...

Set the table, turn the lights down low, put a bottle of whatever you drink on the table, bring your notes, and say "OK, what did you write?"

I promise that you will have a wonderful evening.

When you’ve recovered, write up your notes and send them to me.
Word documents are best, but an email is fine.

I’ll read what you've written, make some comments, and some suggestions if I think they will be helpful.

Then I’ll send you three or four ceremonies hand-picked to reflect who you are and what I think you will like.

When you get the ceremonies, print them out, highlight the sections in each that you want to re-use and then paste them together in a new Word document, along with your story of how we all come to be here today, and what you love about one another and your thoughts on marriage.

Feel free to rework, rephrase and improve on any or all of the text, or use it as you find it; it’s up to you!

Does this make sense? I think so. But it's not for everyone.

There are other celebrants who will write your ceremony for you. Which is fine.

But here's why I prefer not to do that.

As a celebrant, I spend a great deal of time writing ceremonies about people who cannot speak for themselves because they are dead.

You have a unique advantage. You're alive ( congratulations!)

Only you know why you are doing what you are doing.

And only you can really say it in your own words.

Sure, I could write your ceremony for you, but - philosophically - I think that it really is better if you do.

In case you were wondering, I wrote this post because I'm going to me marrying a couple called Leanne and Jamie, who sent me this email.

Finally we have finished our homework!! Sorry it has taken us so long. It took us a couple of months to start and then longer to finish because we found it hard at first to find the words. When we finally finished we were very pleasantly surprised at what we wrote about one another. Although we obviously love one another very much and tell each other this everyday we have not expressed these thoughts to each other in this way before and it was lovely. Even though we struggled at first with the homework, it has been very rewarding and thank you for that. Hopefully you think so too and can get some useful information from it for our wedding ceremony. We look forward to hearing your thoughts on it.

I found a poem by an unknown author that describes this process perfectly:

Sometimes we let affection,

go unspoken,

Sometimes we let our love

go unexpressed,

Sometimes we can't find words to tell
our feelings,

Especially towards those
we love the best.

Sincerely,

Leanne and Jamie

Now do you see what I mean?

George and Momo's Humanist Wedding Ceremony at Rosslyn Castle

2010-06-26T19:50:00.011+01:00

Some people like to plan their weddings far in advance. Today for example, I was asked to hold a date for a wedding in three years time, which is some kind of a record - for me, anyway.

George and Momo did it the other way round. They got in touch at the end of January to discuss their wedding that was due to take place less than a month later.

What made me think this might be something of a challenge was the fact that Momo is Japanese, but the registrars in Dalkeith were very helpful indeed and expedited their paperwork, so on the last day of February, I rolled up at the wonderfully gothic ruin that is Rosslyn Castle, quite agog with anticipation and practising my few words of Japanese for the blessing at the end.

Behind the imposing relics of the early 14th Century fortress, destroyed during The Rough Wooing, as the English invasion of 1544 is still called, the present day castle dates from the early 17th Century when Sir William Sinclair built what the Landmark Trust describes as a more comfortable dwelling, but one which retains an element of drama. On one side, a modest, two storey building, on the other, a five storey drop down a rock face to the ground sixty feet below. When I went through the door, I was delighted to see some of their friends mucking in and doing the catering (which looked delicious).

Momo's parents and sister had all flown over specially.

Their friend Big Andy played and sang

Momo's friend Fumiko read a poem called ‘Ikiru’ (which means ‘To live’), by Shuntaro Tanikawa, while Shona gave us a lively version of 'The Owl and The Pussycat' by Edward Lear, in which you may remember that the happy couple are married by 'The turkey who lived on the hill'... what does that make me, I wonder?

And I delivered my phonetically learned blessing,

ご結婚おめでとうございます。お幸せに。乾杯!

Which translates as 'Congratulations on your marriage. Be happy! Hurrah!'

And as a finale, champagne was served in a teapot - there's a long and very good story about the reason for that, but I think these pictures says it better than I can.

It was a truly remarkable day and a unique ceremony; all done with great style in less than a calendar month. What are you waiting for?