Monday, 29 September 2014

Things to think about if you don't want a rehearsal

As I've said elsewhere on this blog, rehearsals aren't mandatory, but they're a good chance to work out what happens when and who does what.



I first met Julie and Dougie at a wedding fair at The Corn Exchange last November, and I remember we got on like a house on fire. They're getting married at one of my favourite venues, Orocco Pier next month, and for various reasons they aren't able to have a rehearsal.

Instead they asked me a whole bunch of questions, which of course I was happy to answer, but as I thought the whole Q&A might be helpful, I asked them if I could share them with you here. They of course said yes, so there you go - please let me know if they help you too.

Just for clarity: my responses are IN CAPS, and Julie's answers to my responses are in red and in bold

We have opted not to have a rehearsal , only because trying to get everyone together the week of the wedding will be impossible.  I am sure between the 3 of us, we can make this look very professional !! J  We are not doing anything complicated. 

TRUE AND I WILL COME TO SEE YOU BEFORE YOU COME DOWN TO FUSCHIA JUST SO YOU AND THE BRIDESMAIDS KNOW WHERE YOU'RE GOING WHEN YOU COME IN AND WHAT TO DO WITH YOUR BOUQUET, ETC. – GREAT – THANK YOU, LOOK FORWARD TO YOU CALMING ME DOWN!!! J

I will write up the cards with our declarations on them for Dougie to pass to  you at the wedding, so that you can hold them at our respective shoulders during that particular part of the ceremony. 

GOOD. 
TRY TO LAY THEM OUT LIKE A POEM, 
CENTRED, 
SO THAT THE LINE BREAKS 
WHERE THE SENSE BREAKS
AS YOU'VE GOT IT IN THE CEREMONY
WILL DO TIM - THANKS

Our plan is that as guests arrive in Fuchsia, Lewis (our Usher & Dougie’s son ) will hand out our Order of the Day’s to guests as they come in. OK

Is there a particular side family should sit on – or can they just sit wherever?? 
I SUGGEST YOUR IMMEDIATE FAMILY SITS ON THE LEFT AND DOUGIE'S ON THE RIGHT – NOTED, THANK YOU

Will/Should Dougie and his Best Man will be at the front standing with you when  guests arrive??   
NO - THAT'S THE LAST PLACE I WANT THEM TO BE, BECAUSE IT PUTS ADDITIONAL PRESSURE ON THEM AS THEY WAIT FOR YOU TO ARRIVE. THE GUESTS TEND TO START SITTING DOWN 15 MINUTES BEFORE THE OFFICIAL START TIME, SO MY ADVICE TO ALL GROOMS IS TO WAIT TILL FIVE MINUTES BEFORE KICK OFF, THEN WE CAN ALL GO IN, STAND AT THE FRONT AND WAIT FOR YOU TO TURN UP... – THAT’S GREAT THANK YOU FOR CONFIRMING – IT WILL BE DOUGIE, HIS BESTMAN & BROTHER, STUART AND OUR USHER AND DOUGIE’S SON, LEWIS

It is at this time he will pass to you the cards I have written up with our declarations (unless he speaks to you before this, then he can give it to you then along with the Marriage Schedule) – pink cards will be for me reading to Dougie and the blue cards are for Dougie reading to me.  
IF HE GIVES THEM TO ME WHEN I TURN UP I WILL MAKE SURE THEY ARE IN THE RIGHT PLACES – I WILL LEAVE THIS IN DOUGIE’S CAPABLE HANDS J

Once all the guests are in, then Lewis will join Dougie and Stuart at the front with you.  
Please advise – during our ceremony is it normal for the Best Man and Usher / Bridesmaids  to sit down in the front row or do they stand throughout the whole ceremony??? 

I'D HAVE THEM STANDING  BECAUSE - IF YOU CONSIDER THE INVESTMENT IN HAIR MAKEUP AND WARDROBE ALONE - THEY ARE AN IMPORTANT PART OF THE SHOW. BUT IT'S YOUR CALL, AND DOUGIE CAN TELL ME WHAT YOU'VE DECIDED ON THE DAY – PERFECT  - THEY CAN ALL STAND DURING THE CEREMONY


Then once everyone is in and we are good to go, my Maid of Honour Tracey will come up the “aisle” first, followed then by Emma and then it will be myself with my Dad (Allan). Once we are at the top – do I pass my flowers to my Maid of Honour or do I hold on to these until we are exchanging our rings??  
HANG ONTO THEM TILL IT'S TIME TO SWAP RINGS – PERFECT , THEY CAN HIDE MY SHAKING HANDS!!!

We are really looking to be guided by you here – we weren’t sure if we were could/should be holding hands throughout the ceremony???  

AGAIN I WOULD SAY NOT. THERE'S AN ELEMENT OF RITUAL IN A MARRIAGE CEREMONY WHERE YOU START OFF SEPARATE BUT LOOKING AT EACH OTHER, THEN YOU GET TO HOLD HANDS AND SPEAK YOUR VOWS AND FINALLY YOU GET TO KISS. 

SO OF COURSE YOU CAN HOLD HANDS ALL THE WAY THROUGH, BUT YOU MIGHT THINK THAT HAVING THAT LITTLE SEPARATION AND EVENTUAL COMING TOGETHER IS MORE EXCITING. 

I DON'T KNOW, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO, SO YOU DECIDE TOGETHER AND TELL ME!  HAPPY TO GO WITH THE TRADITIONAL – START OFF SEPARATE, THEN HOLDING HANDS FOR VOWS ETC

With regard to our wedding rings. We would like Dougie’s children to carry the rings for the ceremony (on small ring cushions).  When it comes to the giving of the rings, Lewis will have my ring to pass to his Dad or to yourself -  please confirm.  Then Emma will have her Dad’s ring to pass to me or yourself – again please confirm?

I'D SUGGEST THEY COME UP AND STAND BESIDE ME SO THAT YOU CAN EACH TAKE A RING ONE AT A TIME WHEN IT'S YOUR TURN TO PUT IT ON YOUR PARTNER'S FINGER – BOTH EMMA AND LEWIS ARE PART OF THE BRIDAL PARTY SO WILL BE STANDING UP AT THE FRONT WITH US ANYWAY DURING THE CEREMONY

We are going to check with Lynda and Jamie to see if they would be comfortable enough to come up to the front to make their readings – hopefully they will be.  Is this the norm, for people to come up to the front? 

YES, THEY SHOULD COME TO STAND WHERE I AM AND I WILL GET OUT OF THE WAY.

 TELL THEM THEY CAN USE THE VERSION OF THE READING THAT'S IN MY CEREMONY IF THEY LIKE BECAUSE IT'S EASIER TO HOLD SOMETHING QUITE SOLID WITH BOTH HANDS, THAN A SINGLE SHEET OF WHITE PAPER IN ONE TREMBLING ONE, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN... WE WILL LET THEM KNOW THIS - THANKS

Apologies for all the questions, but not having been to many weddings of late, I am not sure what the best etiquette is?? 

IT'S GOOD OF YOU TO ASK, BECAUSE THESE ARE ALL THE ISSUES WE USUALLY DEAL WITH AT A REHEARSAL, SO IF IT'S OK WITH YOU, CAN I POST AN EDITED VERSION OF THE CONVERSATION ON MY BLOG? X YES OF COURSE!

Was that useful? I hope so. Please share it with your friends if it was.

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